|lookit tells you a story|
I believe it is now time that Grandfather told you the great story of Coyote and Taquianna. this story was told to me by my Grandfather, as it was told by his Grandfather before him. now, I tell you, and some day you will tell your Grandsons the great story of Coyote and Taquianna.
it is said that one day, Coyote wanted to do something, so he left his cave and walked towards the North, looking for something to do. now, in those days, the world was young and there were not many things to do, so Coyote had to walk a long, long way before he found something to do. in a city, many many miles to the North, he found a pachinko parlor, and being a great lover of pachinko, Coyote stopped at the parlor and spent many hours playing pachinko.
it was there that Coyote met Taquianna, who was serving tasty fruit beverages. Taquianna and Coyote talked for a while, and... well, Taquianna liked Coyote, and Coyote liked Taquianna, so he played pachinko for many hours and then went to her apartment and they spent many hours of great pleasure together.
as the world would have it, Coyote became very fond of Taquianna and the great pleasures they had together, so he would often take the long, long walk to the North to sleep with her. Coyote would do this, maybe, once a week, sometimes two or three times if the weather was nice. this went on for quite some time, and Coyote's legs became very powerful from all the long, long walks. so, Coyote had very strong, musular legs from all this walking.
now, somewhere between Coyote's cave and Taquianna's apartment far, far to the North, lived Beaver. Beaver would sit on his porch and watch as Coyote would walk to the North early in the morning and walk back to his cave late in the evening. one day, when Coyote was walking back from Taquianna's apartment, Beaver stopped him and said:
"why, hello, brother Coyote. I see that your legs have become very strong!"
"hello, brother Beaver. yes, my legs are strong. I have been walking."
"that is good, Coyote. now, I have a favor to ask of you."
"what is this favor, Beaver?"
"well," said Beaver, nervously, "I would like for you to go and buy a loaf of bread for me."
"why, certainly. I would be happy to buy a loaf of bread for you, because you are a good friend."
"thank you very much, Coyote. I am glad that we are friends. but, there is something else..."
"...I would like you to wear one of my suits when you go to buy a loaf of bread for me. it would not be good for others to know that I did not go out to buy my own loaf of bread."
"oh. yes, I understand. Beaver, you are my friend, and more than that, you are my brother, so I will wear one of your suits when I go to buy a loaf of bread for you."
"thank you very much, Coyote. you are a good friend."
so, Beaver invited Coyote into his shack. Beaver led Coyote over to his closet and gave Coyote one of his suits to wear. Coyote put on the suit, and Coyote looked like Beaver, as things should be. then Beaver gave Coyote $1.50 with which to buy a loaf of bread.
"I will be back soon with your loaf of bread, brother Beaver," said Coyote as he left the shack.
and so it was that Coyote walked to the North for a time and came upon a Circle-K. he went into the Circle-K and went to the bread shelf and chose a nice loaf of bread for Beaver. then, as Coyote walked to the counter, he walked past the candy shelf, and...
now, it must be said that Coyote's legs were very strong and very muscular, for he had walked many, many miles in his visits to Taquianna. however, he was very tired and very thirsty. Coyote reached into his suit to get some money, but he found that he was not wearing his suit, he was wearing Beaver's suit, and all the money Coyote had with him was the $1.50 that Beaver had given him to buy a loaf of bread.
so as Coyote walked to the counter, he walked past the candy shelf, and he was very, very thirsty. but, Coyote had no money, so he quietly borrowed a back of gum and hid it in his suit so that no one would know that he had borrowed it. then, he walked to the counter, and as the world would have it, it was Antelope's turn to watch the counter. Coyote put the loaf of bread and the $1.50 on the counter and said:
"hello, brother Antelope. I would like to buy this loaf of bread. here is $1.50."
"why, hello, brother Beaver. I see that your legs have become very strong!," said Antelope as he took the $1.50 and rang up the purchase.
"yes, my legs are strong. I have been walking."
"that is good, Beaver. and I also see that your arms..."
oh, I am being a foolish Grandfather. I have not yet mentioned that Coyote had been sleeping with Antelope's wife. now, Coyote had been meaning to discuss this with Antelope, but it had only started very recently, and Coyote had not yet found an opportunity to discuss it with Antelope. and you must understand that in those days, Coyote slept with everyone's wife. it was the way things were, and it was expected. in fact, it was not a bad thing to have Coyote sleeping with your wife, for it showed that Coyote looked favorably upon her, and since Coyote was very powerful, this was not a bad thing.
and there is more. Antelope's wife was a very, very strong woman. and in all things that she did, she was strong. very, very strong, like the force of ten fast rivers. so, even though Coyote had not shared pleasure with Antelope's wife more than six or seven times, his arms had become very powerful from sleeping with her. so, Coyote's arms were very strong and very muscular, nearly as strong and muscular as his legs. so, now that I have said this, I will continue:
"that is good, Beaver. and I also see that your arms have become very strong!"
"why, of course! I have been sleeping with your wife."
having said this, Coyote then took the loaf of bread and left the Circle-K. he turned and walked to the South back to Beaver's hut to give him his loaf of bread. when Coyote arrived...
oh, yes. I am truly being a foolish Grandfather. I have not yet told you about Antelope. now, you must understand that in those days, Coyote slept with everyone's wife. it was the way things were, and it was expected. however, this was not the case with Beaver. in fact, it was not at all a good thing to have Beaver sleeping with your wife. it was not a good thing at all, though I must say that I do not know the reason. I have heard it said in some places that it was because of Beaver's teeth, but I cannot be sure. your Grandfather has indeed heard many things.
I should also mention that Antelope was neurotic, which did not help matters. yes, Antelope was neurotic, but I cannot remember why. heh... your Grandfather has indeed forgotten many of the things he has heard. hoo, yes. ah. anyway:
so, we are with Coyote, and he has returned to Beaver's hut. when Coyote arrived, he knocked on the door, and Beaver answered.
"hello... oh, it is you, Coyote. I must say, you certainly do look good in my suit."
"as do you, brother Beaver. here... I have returned with this loaf of bread bread that I bought for you."
"thank you very much, brother Coyote. I must say, you walk very fast."
"yes. my legs are very strong."
so, Beaver invited Coyote into his shack and Coyote took off Beaver's suit and gave him the loaf of bread. then, Beaver thanked Coyote again, and then once again, and Coyote left beaver's shack and walked back to his cave in the South.
when Coyote had left, Beaver went to the kitchen and made a jam-and-log sandwich. then Beaver sat back down in his favorite chair to watch the 'Dobey Gillis' marathon on his televison. some time later that night, there was a knock at his door. 'who could that be,' thought Beaver and went to the door to see who it was.
it was Antelope, who had just gotten off shift at the Circle-K. Antelope was very, very angry. he was so angry that his face was red. his face was very red with anger. Antelope was so angry that it scared Beaver.
"h... he... hello, brother Antelope. I see that you are... very angry."
"yes, I am very angry, Beaver. I am very, very angry."
see, I told you. Antelope was very, very angry. this is how things are when one is neurotic. Antelope stormed into Beaver's shack and started kicking things off tables with his powerful hind legs. Beaver was very, very scared, so he said:
"w... wh... what are you d... doing, Antelope? those are... my things! on... my tables!"
"I am very, very angry, Beaver," growled Antelope. "you have been sleeping with my wife!"
this confused Beaver. he had not been sleeping with Antelope's wife. but, it did not take long for Beaver to realize what had happened, for although Beaver was lazy, too lazy even to buy his own loaf of bread, Beaver was very smart.
"no, no, Antelope! that is not true! I have not been sleeping with your wife! she is much, much too strong for my tiny Beaver body! she would not have me!"
"then why did you say that you had been sleeping with my wife," cried Antelope, kicking more things off of more tables. there were many tables in Beaver's shack.
"no, no, Antelope! that was Coyote! it is he who has been sleeping with your wife!"
Beaver spoke very quickly and waved his arms and told Antelope what had happened. Beaver told Antelope that he had asked a favor of Coyote, and that Coyote had taken $1.50 to buy him a loaf of bread, and that Coyote had worn one of Beaver's suits so that no one would know that Beaver had not gone out to buy his own loaf of bread. now, Antelope was still very, very angry, for this is how one is when one is neurotic. but he did stop kicking things.
"see, brother Antelope. it is all a mistake. it was not me you saw tonight, it was Coyote. come, I will show you. I will show you the suit that Coyote wore, and the scent of Coyote will still be on it. come."
Beaver led Antelope over to his closet and took out the suit that Coyote had worn. and, it was true, the suit still smelled of Coyote, who had walked a long way to the Circle-K
"here is the suit, Antelope. smell, smell the suit. it has the scent of Coyote."
Antelope smelled the suit...
oh. when will your Grandfather ever learn! yes, I remember now. heh. Grandfather now remembers why it was that Antelope was neurotic. you see, many, many years ago, Coyote and Antelope were down by the creek playing badmitton. now, it must be said that there was a strong wind that day, and...
but I must first finish the story of Coyote and Taquianna. it is suffice to say that Antelope had no sense of smell, and this made him neurotic about many things. the story of how this happened is very funny, and I must tell you some day, but I must first finish the story of Coyote and Taquianna.
Beaver showed Antelope the suit that Coyote had worn, and the scent of Coyote was very strong on the suit. however, Antelope did not have a sense of smell, and, of course, he did not want Beaver to know this, for Antelope was neurotic about such things, so he smelled the suit anyway. Antelope did not smell the scent of Coyote, for he had no sense of smell, but his eyes were very, very good, better even than most. Antelope saw that there was an opened pack of gum in pocket of the suit. Antelope knew that only the Circle-K sold this type of gum, and he became very angry, even angrier than before.
Antelope was very angry. he was very, very, very angry. Antelope was so angry that steam blew out from the tops of his antlers like two weird-ass curvy teakettles. you see, Beaver had not only slept with his wife, but Beaver had also stolen a pack of gum from the Circle-K.
now in those days, the world was young, and justice was swift and strong. this is why Antelope kicked Beaver so hard that Beaver's head literally spun. now, though I speak here of Beaver, it must be said that a spinning head is good for no one, so Beaver died.
the next morning, the weather was nice, so Coyote took the long, long walk North to the pachinko parlor to meet Taquianna and play pachinko and drink tasty fruit beverages and, later that night, to share much pleasure with Taquianna in her apartment.
it is said that Coyote and Taquianna shared pleasure with each other in this way for many, many years, and this was a time when Coyote was very happy. and, as I have said, this is good for everyone.
EOB #---------------------------------^ 1;