greetings. I am a member of the Coyote clan, and I will tell you a story about Coyote. Coyote is the trickster: he is strong and cunning, but he is also foolish and impulsive. there are many great stories of Coyote, and they are told by the people of the Coyote clan, in their stories about Coyote.

     I will tell you is the story of Coyote and Rabbit. but, you must know that this story is not only about Coyote and Rabbit, for if it were not for Polar Bear, there would be no story of Coyote and Rabbit. so, I will now tell you of the time when Polar Bear was in the zoo. he was not happy to be in the zoo, for he was forced to live in a deep pit, surrounded at by many screaming children. there was water, but it was warm, and there were no fish to catch. there was no ice, only cheap foam that was painted in white and blue, and it too was warm. he wished very much to leave the zoo. he wished to return again to the cold lands and live there with his friends, such as Penguin, and Elk, and Yeti.

     now, there is a reason why Polar Bear was in the zoo. for, you see... Coyote had hired Crystal Method and The Chemical Brothers, and he brought them to town to play at one of his big, big parties. Polar Bear and Rabbit heard of this, and went to Coyote�s party. but, it came to pass that Coyote had not gotten any licenses to throw his party, and so the cops came and busted up the joint. it is often said that any warehouse party thrown by Coyote is certain to be busted.

     so, Polar Bear was in the zoo. and one day, Rabbit, who ran and ran and ran and escaped from the cops, because Rabbit, as we all know, is a great runner. yes, Rabbit went to Coyote and said, "Coyote. um. in all my years, I have seen many things, and I must say that, um, I have seen for myself that like any warehouse party that you throw is certain to be busted. it is not fair for Polar Bear to be locked in the zoo just because you don�t know how to throw a party. Coyote, we must go to the zoo, and we must help Polar Bear to escape. oh, please please please please please please please please please please." but, at that time, Coyote was carving the totem for his tent, and so he did not care.

     Rabbit whined at Coyote for many days, until Coyote agreed that he would go with Rabbit to the zoo to help Polar Bear. they stayed awake many nights, until Coyote came up with a great plan to help Polar Bear. first, Coyote and Rabbit baked a big cake made of corn meal. then, they took a metal file and put it into the middle of the cake. you see, then they would give to cake to Polar Bear, and he would find the file, and then he would... but of course, you have heard this story before. you now know that when you hear a story with a prison and a cake with a file in it, it was Coyote who first made this plan.

     so Coyote and Rabbit took the cake made of corn meal -- with the file inside of it -- put it into a box, and took it to the zoo on visiting day. but, as soon as they got to the zoo, Rabbit had to... he had to go. for, as we know, Rabbit is very nervous and edgy, so he took the advice of Coyote and got very drunk before going to the zoo. now, Rabbit was drunk, so he was not nervous, but as soon as he got to the zoo, he had to go. and Rabbit went off to do what Rabbit does behind trees and small bushes.

     when Rabbit had gone, Coyote went to see Hyena. what Coyote did not tell Rabbit was there was another reason that he had come to the zoo. this is because Hyena...well, you see... Coyote had hired Puffy Daddy and Ice Cube, and he brought them to town to play at one of his big, big parties. Hyena had heard of this, and went to Coyote�s party. but, the Fire Marshall showed up and busted up the joint. it must be said that the ways of Coyote and his warehouse parties has never been understood by our people.

     and there is more. on the evening of the third day that Rabbit had begged him to help Polar Bear escape from the zoo, some of Hyena�s friends had come to Coyote�s tent. they said that it was Coyote�s fault that Hyena was in the zoo, and that if Coyote did not help Hyena to escape from the zoo, they would have no choice but to break some of Coyote�s knees. Coyote was very fond of all of his knees, so it was that night that Coyote agreed to go to he zoo with Rabbit.

     so, you see, Coyote had another plan. first, he suggested to Rabbit that he get drunk, for Coyote knew that Rabbit would then have to go as soon as he got to the zoo. then, when Rabbit went to do his thing, he went to see Hyena... this is where we are in the story. Coyote opened the box, and took the file out of the cake, and gave it to Hyena. Hyena laughed and laughed, but this is no surprise to anyone. then, Coyote closed the box and went to meet Rabbit over at the souvenir shop.

     Rabbit was there, and he now looked much happier. Coyote went to him and said, "Rabbit. something has happened." Coyote explained that he had just been walking along, when suddenly Sparrow had dove down from the sky, knocked Coyote over, tied him up, opened the box, pulled out the file, and flown off to the aviary to help Maccaw and Toucan escape from the zoo.

     now, if Rabbit had not been drunk, he would have freaked out right there. but, he was drunk, so he said, "oh no! Coyote! what shall we do?"

     "do not worry," said Coyote. "I have a plan."

     so Coyote told Rabbit about his other, other plan. first, Rabbit would have to get very, very small. then, Coyote would put Rabbit into the cake. then, Coyote would give the cake to Polar Bear, Rabbit would jump out, and run over to the secret zoo door inside of the pit, and pick the lock with the point of his ear. now, if Rabbit had not been drunk, he would have screamed very loudly and run away and buried himself under something. but, Rabbit was drunk, so he made himself very small, and Coyote put him into the cake.

     so Coyote took the cake made of corn meal -- with Rabbit inside of it -- put it back into the box, and took it to the pit where Polar Bear was living. there he found Polar Bear, and many screaming children who were standing around the pit, pointing at Polar Bear and getting cotton candy all over their hands. Coyote took the cake, and he threw it into the pit where Polar Bear was sitting and staring at his colorful beach ball, which he hated very much.

     now, Coyote did not see the sign that was on the fence outside of the pit. it said "Do Not Feed Polar Bear," for there was a time when children would throw popcorn and marshmallows and french fries into the pit, and Polar Bear would eat them and grow very fat and lazy. this was not good, so there was now a sign that said "Do Not Feed Polar Bear". the children could not read this sign; they were too busy screaming and pointing. but their parents could read the sign, and they did not allow their children to throw popcorn and marshmallows and french fries into the pit where Polar Bear lived. but, Coyote did not come with his parents, he came with Rabbit, and Rabbit was in the cake, so Coyote did not read the sign.

     of course, you must understand that Polar Bear was very hungry. he longed for the days when children would throw popcorn and marshmallows and french fries into the pit, and he would eat them and get fat and sit around on the cheap white foam all day and do nothing. so, when he saw the box land in the pit, he ran over to it and opened it up. it was a cake! and it was made of corn meal, which Coyote could not honestly have known was Polar Bear�s favorite sort of cake. Polar Bear was so hungry, he ate the cake in one big bite, and... hoo!

     you would have had to been there.